Claudine drabbles
by Rosa Chinensis
Summary: Drabbles based on Ikeda Riyoko's manga Claudine, written for the yuridrabbles community on livejournal. Warning: Several of these drabbles contain spoilers for the end of the manga. Please check the spoiler warning for each drabble before reading it.
1. Beloved

A note on pronouns: I'm using feminine pronouns to refer to Claudine, though I feel it could realistically go either way (Exactly how much of what she feels is because of the time period she lived in? Who can tell?).

Note: Written for the First Kiss challenge at the yuridrabbles livejournal community.

Pairing: RosemariexClaudine

**Warning: Spoilers for the very end of _Claudine_.**

Disclaimer: _Claudine_ is copyright Ikeda Riyoko and Shuueisha. I am using the characters for non-profit entertainment purposes only.

**Squick warning**: slight necrophilia.

Claudine's lips are cold and lifeless beneath hers, and both sets of lips are wet with her tears. Rosemary imagines instead that they are warm and soft and pliant, opening under hers like flower petals. She imagines that Claudine is reaching up to touch her face, caressing Rosemary's skin with her delicate fingers.

She changes the setting as well. They are not in Claudine's apartment, where Rosemary has just found her body lying lifeless on the floor. They are back home, in Vernon, perhaps in Claudine's living room or out in the forest where they'd gone riding together so many times.

It's a typical spring day. The sun is warm on her back, and birds are chirping somewhere nearby. Everything is all right, and Claudine loves her.

A long time passes before Rosemary picks up the phone to call for help in dealing with the body.


	2. She Doesn't See Her

Note: Written for the Just Rewards challenge at the yuridrabbles livejournal community.

Pairings: RosemariexClaudine, mention of Claudinexothers

**Warning: Spoilers for all but the end of _Claudine_.**

Disclaimer: _Claudine_ is copyright Ikeda Riyoko and Shuueisha. I am using the characters for non-profit entertainment purposes only. The title of this drabble comes from the title of a Sarah Brightman song, "She Doesn't See Him." 

Rosemarie doesn't look in mirrors anymore. The first time she looked in a mirror after The Incident, she went into hysterics and had to be forcibly restrained. She has never tried again since. She has accepted her lot in life now, but some things are just too hard.

She had not thought herself a coward, before, but now she knows the truth. She wears sunglasses all the time now, and carries herself so that her hair covers her face on the right side. She tries to blend into the crowd, hoping that nobody will look close enough to see her disfiguration.

And she has not gone to see Claudine, not since their brief meeting the other day, their first since The Incident. Claudine was with another woman, pretty, with dark hair. She looked happy.

The old pain welled up again - _I love you, damnit Why not me Why her Why am I not good enough What does she have that I don't I love you Why don't you see me, I've been by your side all along I walked through fire for you Why don't you love me They'll all betray you but I never would I love you I love you Why don't you love me_ - but she pushed it back down firmly and smiled. Though she doubted there was much danger of Claudine noticing how hurt she was, she didn't know how perceptive this new woman might be. So she smiled, and was polite and friendly, and left as quickly as possible to go home and have a good cry.

It would be easy enough to find Claudine at her university, she knows, but she cannot bring herself to go there. She cannot bear to see Claudine with another woman yet again. Another whom she will love, who will break her heart. Or, both better and yet worse, one who will properly grasp the value of the gift bestowed upon her and will treat it with care, who will be together with Claudine for the rest of her days. In short, one who will live out Rosemarie's own fantasy.

Rosemarie has known since she was very small that Claudine was The One for her. She is perhaps the one person who sees Claudine for what she - he - truly is. In a just, ideal, world, her understanding and affections would be rewarded with True Love and maybe even a Happily Ever After. But this world is not just, or even good, and Rosemarie's "reward" is a broken heart and a burn on her face. A terrible disfigurement that would ruin her chances for marriage if she weren't completely incapable of loving anyone but Claudine anyway.

She knows the situation with Claudine is hopeless. Claudine doesn't see her, not the way she saw Maura and Cecilia, the way she sees this new woman. Rosemarie isn't sure how she's different from the others, but she supposes there must be something.

She knows she will never be good enough for Claudine.


	3. Caught

Note: Written for the We're in this Together challenge at the yuridrabbles livejournal community.

Pairings: ClaudinexMaura

**Warning: Spoilers for about halfway through _Claudine_.**

Disclaimer: _Claudine_ is copyright Ikeda Riyoko and Shuueisha. I am using the characters for non-profit entertainment purposes only.

They should have been in this together, but Claudine hasn't seen Maura since that horrible moment when her mother walked in on them. Hasn't been allowed to see her, no matter how much she's begged and pleaded. Maura will be shipped away in no time at all, she knows, and they'll likely never set eyes on one another ever again.

Having barely tasted the joy of first love, Claudine has now plunged headlong into the agony of first heartbreak. And accompanying her sorrow is the guilt of knowing that she has well and truly ruined another person's life; The lives of a whole family, to be more precise. With Maura's father dead and Maura without a job, how will her family be able to make ends meet? It is a sorry existence that awaits Maura upon her return home, and she has Claudine to blame for it.

Claudine has read stories of forbidden love, of clandestine affairs and outright, bold defiance, but the bitter sting of reality is so very different. There is no desperate romanticism in this; Only bone-deep sorrow, crushing guilt, and anger that burns fire-bright for the society that has condemned them. How **dare** her father allow them to be punished for their association, when he himself dallies with a youth, a mere boy not even half his age?

Even if he could not support her outright, she expected him to do **something**, anything, to ameliorate the situation. But he sided with Claudine's mother, not yielding to any of Claudine's protests or entreaties.

Despite her anger, she cannot quite bring herself to confront him about it; There are some things that are not spoken of. Some things that are best not thought about at all. Swept under the rug for the sanity of all involved; Out of sight, out of mind.

She knows that if his affair were ever to come to light, she would remain by his side through it all, as always. Even this betrayal, and her anger at his hypocrisy, cannot truly turn her against him. They are two of a kind, Claudine and Auguste. It is not a truth that can be altered by his denial, and Claudine knows in her heart that someday he will come to fully understand and support her. Someday.

Until then, she will brood, and scream, and shout; She will try to focus on the anger rather than the guilt and the pain. She will try not to think about Maura, who must be locked in her room awaiting the next train out of the village. She will not wonder if they are feeding Maura, if she is being shunned or insulted or abused.

They should have been in this together, but they are not, and the only path to sanity lies in carefully not thinking about how Maura is right now, what's happening to her, what will become of her after she leaves. It is difficult, but Claudine will manage it somehow. She must.


	4. Bleed and Break, Thou Loving Heart

Note: Written for the Pain challenge at the yuridrabbles livejournal community.

Pairings: ClaudinexMaura, ClaudinexCecilia, ClaudinexSirene

**Warning: Spoilers for all of _Claudine_.**

Disclaimer: _Claudine_ is copyright Ikeda Riyoko and Shuueisha. I am using the characters for non-profit entertainment purposes only. The title of this drabble is from the Robert Shaw translation of Bach's St. Matthew Passion.

Claudine has lost many people throughout her life, perhaps more than her fair share.

Maura was the first; The first she loved, and the first she lost. The first person whose life she utterly ruined through her own folly. Oh, Claudine, you shouldn't have! See what you have done?

The pain, it stings.

Then came Cecilia and Auguste, a double blow in more than one sense. Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that they shook the very foundation of Claudine's world, and sent her packing for better places. She loved them both, and they both betrayed her. Death to the perfidious pair!

The pain, it throbs.

Then there was Sirene. Oh, sweet Sirene, Claudine's angel. She did not lose Sirene to the Grim Reaper, but rather to her own flesh and blood. Another love lost to a family member-- do we see a trend? Damnable, treacherous, Sirene, who loved her and left her.

The heart, it bleeds.

And now Claudine is the one to bid farewell. To the loved ones she has left, and the world in general. Her heart in pieces, her grief too much to bear, she pulls the trigger. Oh, Claudine, our fair hero, has your tale come to such a grievous end?

The heart, it breaks.


	5. When Lovely Woman Stoops to Folly

Note: Written for the Boys challenge at the yuridrabbles livejournal community.

Pairings: AndrewxSirene, ClaudinexSirene

**Warning: Spoilers for all but the end of _Claudine_.**

Disclaimer: _Claudine_ is copyright Ikeda Riyoko and Shuueisha. I am using the characters for non-profit entertainment purposes only. The title of this drabble comes from "The Waste Land" by T.S. Eliot. 

"There's... something I have to tell you." Because her head was bowed, her hair hung down, obscuring her face, but the tremor in her voice let slip her discomposure.

"All right." I knelt in front of her chair, took her hands in my own. Squeezed gently, the tiny hands so fine and frangible in my larger ones.

"I-" she choked out. "I- I was-" Her shoulders began to shake. "I- We- We were-"

I remained static, not moving to prompt or reassure her. It was not out of any sort of cruelty or indifference; Rather, it was an assertion of belief in her capability. I did not give my heart foolishly, and I knew that any woman deserving of such, as I believed Sirene to be, would be in possession of the sort of strength capable of overcoming the greatest strife. If she managed this on her own, it would serve to validate my choice of her as a bridal candidate. Depending, of course, on the nature of her revelation.

"C- Claudine," she finally managed. "Claudine and I- we were- we l- loved each other."

Ah. I had suspected, when Claudine brought her home, that their association had not been confined to mere friendship. It seemed the whole mess with that maid several years past had not been sufficient deterrence for her aberrant tendencies.

My sister had always been, shall we say, queer. To be frank, she was a deviant of the worst sort. I blamed my father; He was far too lax and indulgent with her, had even encouraged her deviant behavior on occasion. People may have looked the other way when she was a child gallivanting around with the town boys, but her abnormalities had grown more dangerous as she aged. I feared for her sanity.

Sirene continued to speak of her sin, weaving the tale from their first meeting to their eventual cohabitation and physical relationship. Her eyes avoided mine throughout the entire interval, her hands trembling. When she finished, she remained thus, awaiting my condemnation with downcast eyes.

It did not come, for I was a magnanimous man. I understood that while some of women's folly required a firm chastening, at times it was best to be understanding of their weaknesses and deficiencies. After all, they were not to blame for their inferiority, now were they? They were simply built that way, by the Creator. They were deserving of our pity and our compassion, though their folly might have been wearying at times.

I raised my hand to her cheek, tilting her head up and waiting until her eyes lifted to meet my own.

"My dear Sirene," I said. "Do not worry yourself so over such a matter. You have my forgiveness, naturally."

Her eyes widened, her tears forgotten in her shock. "You're not angry?"

"No, my dear. It was, shall we say, not wholly unexpected."

"You knew." Her tone, a melange of surprise and accusation, was firmer now.

"Do not presume you have any secrets from me, Sirene. A man is ever conscious of women's folly."

"Yes, Andrew." She bowed her head again, in submission this time.

If only Claudine had learned some semblance of appropriate behavior from her, rather than encouraging her to deviance. My sister would need to learn her place someday, and I feared it would be a painful lesson. I prayed I would not be the one forced to teach it to her.


	6. The Regrets of Maturity

Note: Written for the Goodbye challenge at the yuridrabbles livejournal community.

Pairings: SirenexClaudine, SirenexAndrew

**Warning: Spoilers for all but the end of _Claudine_.**

Disclaimer: _Claudine_ is copyright Ikeda Riyoko and Shuueisha. I am using the characters for non-profit entertainment purposes only. The title of this drabble comes from the quote, "The dreams of youth are the regrets of maturity," from the movie _Legend_.

My heart, that traitorous organ, has made its choice. And it has made a liar of me. Though I told her that the whole of my being was in her possession, I realize now that I spoke falsely, or perhaps merely too hastily; naively thinking that the sum total of my emotions were invested in this one woman, I gave myself to her, and led us both to heartbreak. But I know now that my heart belongs to another, and I can stay with Claudine no longer.

I pray that we can remain friends. To lose her would be to rob myself of one of the greatest sources of joy in my life. To lose a dear friend.

I know that my leaving will devastate her, and that it is selfish of me to want them both. But I have made my choice. I have regrets-- no longer will I succumb to the idealistic fiction that a decision can be made without them-- but they are bearable. I will be happy, though it pains me to know that she may not be.

Forgive me, my sweet Claudine. I have betrayed you, and now I shall twist the knife deeper. I'm leaving you, though you don't know it yet. I don't want things to go back to the way they used to be. I cannot be your lover any longer. I'm sorry.

Goodbye.


	7. A Beginning

Note: Written for the Hello challenge at the yuridrabbles livejournal community.

Pairings: ClaudinexCecilia

**Warning: Minor spoilers for the first half of _Claudine._.  
**

Disclaimer: _Claudine_ is copyright Ikeda Riyoko and Shuueisha. I am using the characters for non-profit entertainment purposes only. 

The door creaks open, the sound reverberating in the silence. The air is heavy, permeated with the musty smell of books, and I drink it in greedily. This is my first time in this library, but I feel at home here already.

I browse the shelves, eagerly scanning the rows of books for titles I haven't read. My father's library is extensive, but this one is hardly small either.

As I'm bringing my selection-- a book of Rimbaud my father has yet to acquire-- to the desk, I see her. She's behind the circulation desk, idly skimming a book that awaits reshelving, when she looks up. Our eyes meet, and I am mesmerized; the world fades away and I see nothing, nothing save the soft blue of her eyes, shining with intelligence and a sort of gentleness. I remain thus for a frozen moment, staring unabashedly, knowing she returns my gaze in equal measure.

The creak of the door opening pierces the silence once more, and the spell is broken. Suddenly nervous but unwilling to show it, I approach the desk, feeling cut off from the world in a different fashion now as the blood roars in my ears and my heart beats erratically in my chest. I feel unstable, unreal. I don't care for it at all.

Our hands brush as I hand her the book, and I carefully don't react. She examines the cover.

"So you like Rimbaud?" she asks, the hint of a fond smile touching her lips.

"Yes," I reply, smiling back in what I hope is a cool, confident manner. "He's a favorite of mine."

And so it begins, once more.


	8. Poetry Reading

Note: Written for the Staying In challenge at the yuridrabbles livejournal community.

Pairings: ClaudinexCecilia

**Warning: Minor spoilers for the first half of _Claudine_.  
**

Disclaimer: _Claudine_ is copyright Ikeda Riyoko and Shuueisha. I am using the characters for non-profit entertainment purposes only. _Flowers of Evil_, quoted here, is copyright Charles Baudelaire and James McGowan. 

The lights are low in Cecilia's living room, the glow from the lamps barely enough to read by, but they both know the poetry by heart already; The book is merely a polite fiction, something to do with their hands. Somewhere to put their eyes when the connection grows too intense to bear.

The Baudelaire rolls off Cecilia's tongue, the robust words washing over Claudine and enveloping her in a haze of decadent sensuality. These are the moments she loves best, when the world narrows to a pinpoint; This little room with the two of them, and the poetry, and Cecilia's voice, her gaze, her presence. This is Claudine's paradise, and she revels in it. She cannot conceive of anything that could be better than this.

Rosemarie says that Cecilia is using her, but she doesn't understand. She hasn't experienced these moments, hasn't seen the way Cecilia looks at Claudine as she reads poems of love.

"_Ta tête, ton geste, ton air_#," Cecilia recites, "_Sont beaux comme un beau paysage;/ Le rire joue en ton visage/ Comme un vent frais dans un ciel clair_." She reads with a teasing lilt to her voice, her eyes never once leaving Claudine's, and Claudine's heart skips a beat as Cecilia weaves her magic around her. In this moment, she would die for this woman.

Rosemarie is mistaken. Cecilia isn't seeing anyone else. How could she be, when she looks at Claudine with such fondness? And why would she spend so many evenings in with Claudine, passing the time reading and discussing literature and the arts, if she were seeing someone?

No. Claudine is the one in Cecilia's eyes, and in her heart. In these moments, she is sure of it.

Cecilia would never betray her.

#: From _A celle qui est trop gaie_ (_To One Who Is Too Cheerful_), from _Les Fleurs Du Mal_ (_The Flowers of Evil_) by Baudelaire. English translation (done by James McGowan):  
Your head, your air, your every way,  
Are scenic as the countryside;  
The smile plays in your lips and eyes  
Like fresh winds on a cloudless day.


End file.
